I’m so glad you’ve found my first blog post! I’m also glad I’ve finally figured out how to write and post a blog. I’d love to start my blogs by sharing how the Lord has been speaking to me and what has led up to me deciding to leave everything to follow Jesus to India (and possibly beyond).

In July last year I faced a decision – to keep going as I was and live a comfortable life, or to actually put Jesus first, acknowledge him as Lord of my life rather than just a part of the life I was leading already; I’m sure you can guess which choice I made. Before this point I was feeling quite far from Jesus and I was really struggling with not hearing his voice.

From the point of making that choice both in my heart and out loud and physically stepping away from things/people that weren’t leading more to Jesus, my July onwards felt so peaceful, and the joy that I once knew so well was returned to me… but it was a different joy. No longer was it the joy of my innocent 15 year old self, because I had lived in ways that weren’t pleasing to the Lord and also made me feel trapped in guilt and shame. But Jesus met me and broke those chains and what a Joy it is to be set free and to be called a chosen daughter of the King of Kings, freed by his love, and washed clean by his blood.

In September I had a dream – I had other dreams before but they always made me feel ashamed/less than/unwanted, so this one was different. This dream was just normal, there weren’t very many feelings attached to it, other than feeling annoyed at a slight inconvenience in the dream. I didn’t think it amounted to anything really, but a friend thought it might and how quick was I to reject it and say no.

A few weeks later I had another dream, this one was slightly odd in that I was playing drums at church, but I can’t play, so it seemed odd to me. I was asking God what it might mean anyway because this one felt more like a ‘God dream’. About 3 days later, at church, ministry time was led with only the drums. I have never experienced this kind of ministry time before so I was on full alert to what God might be saying now. The service and ministry time was about being in the Valley of Baca (the valley of weeping), waiting for the sound of the Lord going ahead of you; when you hear the sound of the Lord, it’s time to get up and move.

At this point, I said “Yes Lord, where are we going?”. 2 days later some friends told me about this boarding school in India. I remembered the dream I had in September – I had joined the tennis club in Coleraine, but when I got there, and they were so specific about the time, and it meant I had to leave work (school) early to be there, I was the only one there. When I went inside there was a big screen where the net would be and it was on a video call with children in India. I immediately felt so excited about the idea of going to India. At this point I chatted with God and some friends about what kind of route to take in India, and came to the conclusion that for the year, I would be in the Boarding School as an international Guest (IG).

I had a third dream just to confirm the call and also in the dream declared that God will provide – something I had faith to believe for other people, but my faith lacked when it was for me. In God’s kindness, I was able to practice depending on him for some of my most basic needs while still so close to family and friends. The Lord led me to move out of my flat at the end of February with nowhere set to go, I had only God to rely on for provision of somewhere to lay my head each night.

For 5 months, God provided so much more than just a place to stay each night. In times when I only needed him, I was house sitting for people, and at times God knew I needed the strength of my community I was in a friends home doing life together for a few days at a time.

In this whole time my intimacy with the Lord became one thing I recognised as the very thing to keep me going daily. I understood what it is to have daily bread with Jesus, and on the days that I didn’t spend with him, I felt it hard.

The biggest lesson Jesus led me through, and continues to, is surrender. To lay everything down at the feet of Jesus and follow him. My current favourite song relates to Luke 7:36-50, the woman who pours perfume on Jesus’ feet and washes his feet with her tears. Everything I have, it has a cost, and when I take all of it and pour it at the feet of Jesus in worship to him, it’s worth the cost of it all. Why? Because there is a cost to sin – Death, and Jesus has already paid that in full. If anything is standing in the way of Jesus being first in my life, then I need to lay it down. Money, ownership, title, clothes, Identity – it all means nothing If I don’t have him.

I could go on and on but I’m going to stop here, and my prayer for you is that, in his grace, the Lord starts to stir up your heart to trust in the goodness of his heart – even when things are unsure. I pray that you wil know you are loved, you are chosen and you are his.

‘Jesus said to the woman, “your faith has healed you; go in peace.” Luke 7:50